Hot + Take + Tuesday: The Children's Message

If you need permission and justification to get rid of them, you're welcome

Hot + Take + Tuesdays is a series of semi-regular posts meant to spark conversations. I make these claims and statements based on experience and observations and acknowledge that any hot take, by default, borders on arrogance — and yes, context matters.

For those of you not connected to church life, many (most?) church services often have a time dedicated to a “Children’s Message.” The children are invited to the front, and the leader attempts to convey some important faith concepts to whoever may be there on that Sunday. Sometimes, a prop is used; other times, a story is read; and for the truly gifted, puppets. There is often a time for the children to respond (cue: cute answer often given by the precocious pastor’s kid), there is generally a “repeat after me” prayer, and then the children are often dismissed to church school . . . though some return to the pews to sit with their chosen adult.

After 30 years of either having to prepare, lead, or watch them unfold, I am a big proponent of eliminating the Children’s Message.

You read right—GET RID OF THE CHILDREN’S MESSAGE.

Honestly, I do not think this is that bold a statement to make these days, but if you have picked up your pitchfork or are looking for the unsubscribe button, hear me out.

First, let’s start with what I beleive is the genuine intent of The Children’s Message. Most folks, if asked, would say that The Children’s Message is important because it is a dedicated time that speaks to the spiritual growth and centers of the lived experience of the kids in our midst. To be clear, I have no argument with these intentions. I can safely say that I have seen or been part of hundreds of Children’s Messages over the years, and with each one, I am more convinced that, in most settings, The Children’s Message fails to communicate either of those intentions very well.

Instead, The Children’s Message has turned into the following . . .

• Proof of Care. One argument I have heard is that The Children’s Message is the time when we communicate to parents and guardians (especially visitors) that we have something for the children. There are better ways to do this, especially for those who might feel uncomfortable with having their child put on display.

• It makes us feel good. Speaking of putting our kids on display, we essentially put our children on display to up the cute factor and reinforce the idea that the measure and worth of a church is The Children’s Message roll call.

• Those extroverts. The Children’s Message rewards extroverted children or at least those willing to speak, yell, dance, wander, or explore with dozens of pairs of eyes upon them. Most adults hate being put on the spot in public, so why would we think that children would be any different?

• Flow and Pace. The Children’s Message is locked into a way of being because it is often used as a transition moment in the service, usually to move children from worship to church school.

• Intended Ears. How many times have you heard that The Children’s Message is “really for the adults”? Your honor, I rest my case.

• Pastoral Burden. For small churches, I can think of very few pastors who love having to come up with yet another well-thought-out and theological sound message . . . that a five-year-old will pay attention to, let alone understand. So unless we are saying that The Children’s Message does not deserve the same care and preparation as the “real” sermon, we are asking preachers to prepare for two drastically different contexts.

• Unintended Consequences. The number one reason I argue for eliminating The Children’s Message is that, in many churches, The Children’s Message is a discouraging reminder of decline and not a reinforcer of hope. When a church has to beg for children to come forward, a few reluctant children are forced to go up front, or the Children’s Message is delivered even when there are no children present, it is difficult to spin this as a positive aspect of the church’s life.

Please understand that I am not arguing to get rid of the Children’s Message and give up; we only allow ourselves the space to reimagine and experiment. Here are some alternatives I would or have tried that could dedicate energy and effort to the spiritual growth and lived experience of the kids in our midst.

• Be more creative. I discuss this in my post about creating belonging, but like almost all elements of classic or traditional mainline worship, we can get caught in worship ruts. Yes, habit and consistency can benefit us greatly, but often we are way off-balance. I hope you will trust your theological chops and the creativity of the community enough to play around with the flow and vibe of the entire worship experience

• Face away from the congregation: The way the children are facing indicates the “display” level of The Children’s Message. When the children face the adult giving the message and NOT the rest of the congregation, it centers their personhood there and now. More importantly, it tells them that they are worthy of the attention of that moment’s important adult and communicates that the message is particularly for them and not for the rest of the congregation.

• Center the children by having everyone center the children. If we really want to center children, we should create worship experiences that speak to their bodies, hearts, minds, souls, energy, etc. and have everyone participate. Break out the playdough and pipe cleaners, have worship be one big service project, have everyone dance and move as able, and center the lives of the children without actually focusing on them.

• Center other demographics. What if you did a series where you did a special message for different groups? Crafted and curated with care, others could get a glimpse of the lives of other life stages and lived experiences. Make these messages the Sermon Time: “A Time for The Sandwich Generation,” “A Time for Over-70’s in the House,” “A Time for Parents & Guardians,” “A Time for Singles,” “A Time for Those New to the Church,” “A Time for those Who Have Been Here Forever,” etc. If everyone gets centered, one group may no longer feel forced to perform and people’s understanding of one another would expand.

• Build spiritual disciplines outside of that worship moment. If we really want to pass along our faith traditions, we must be more committed to doing so in ways that may actually have more impact. How do we build creative and contextually relevant practices to build the faith of our young folks? This is outside of my wheelhouse, but I would subscribe to

  Traci Smith
  for some good home/family-centered theology and practices.

Okay, that’s all I got. I hope it sparks some good conversations. Please share if you have ideas to add. Thank you for all that you are doing!