A Gross and Mushy Letter to My Wife

A very rare Valentine's Day gratitude post

Recently, my wife and I have taken to comparing our Spotify Daylists (Okay, I have been asking, “So what’s your Daylist called"?), and they have been turning out about as expected. Married 33+ years (See cheesy Anniversary Reel), we have different tastes in a great many things: music, food, television shows, and what constitutes “too many” hats, plants, bags, or puppies.

Seeing the differences in our musical tastes and with Valentine’s Day approaching, I thought, what better opportunity to mortify my spouse by professing my love and gratitude to dozens of people? And I have the perfect thing. Not sure if you have heard, but I have a new book coming out 😂 and part of an early version included me being me at my mushiest. It did not make sense to include the letter, but since Robin approved it for the world to see, I am not wasting the chance to share it publicly.

Before you read the letter, I want to be clear about two things:

• Marriage is not for everyone. We often say to our children, “Should marriage be in your future . . .” without any assumptions about their lifelong relationship and reject the notion that marriage is an ideal that everyone should strive to attain.

• FTR, we do not generally celebrate Valentine's Day as an act of rebellion, but also because every day is Valentine's Day in my heart. That said, I do get a little mushy from time to time.

Now on to the letter.

Dear Robin, 

I know what you're thinking. "Oh no, Bruce is being super public about our family and lives again." *Shudder* *Cringe* *Hide*

Never fear, no TMI about you, I just wanted to take this moment to reflect a bit on why I believe our marriage has lasted as long as it has; and why, while I may not always show it to the best of my ability, every day over these past three decades plus, I completely and consistently choose you. 

I make this choice not out of obligation, not with expectation, and not because of inertia. From first breath to evening's rest, out of deep gratitude, I yearn for you, I love you, and I choose you.

I am grateful for your being and your presence.

I am grateful for your wit, your snark, and your laughter.

I am grateful for your love of learning and teaching.

I am grateful for your patience and deliberation.

I am grateful for your generosity of spirit.

I am grateful for your willingness to adventure and explore.

I am grateful for your passion to right what is wrong in the world.

I am grateful for your loyalty to your family and friends.

I am grateful for your care and compassion for others and for me in times of suffering and struggle.

I am grateful for your body, your heart, your mind, your soul.

I am grateful for the trusting, contented, and fulfilling life we have grown into together.

Lastly, while I am also profoundly grateful that you tolerate my collection of baseball hats, my growing houseplant jungle, and my inability to prepare a meal for less than an entire soccer team, I am most grateful that you have lovingly and fully given space for me to grow into who God has called and is calling me to become.

I am not committed to you because I expect something in return. Our relationship is not transactional. I am committed to you in response to all that you have been for me. While you have not always understood or even agreed with my ideas, you have allowed room for me to discern and reflect. While I know that my ideas can sometimes be out there, you have been open to wild adventures that never came to fruition. And while I know that you value stability, you have been willing to take giant steps with me professionally and personally without any guarantees for outcomes or destinations.

I hope that I have provided the same space for you that you have done for me. I thank God for our life together and am so grateful for you.

Love,

Bruce

If you have someone in your life who has genuinely supported you in your journey to be and become who God hopes and intends, be sure to thank them via a phone call, meal, or mushy open letter to the world.