A Boundary Training for Church Leaders
Crowdsourcing the realities of maintain healthy boundaries
Hey Presbyterians and Presbyterian adjacent friends.
I have been contracted to develop a short boundary training for ordained clergy and ruling Elders and I would love your input. I've been to many, many, many boundary courses. While these trainings have been helpful, I have often found those conversations lacking in practicality or nuance. They have been more about maintaining the rigidity of regulation and not navigating the realities of our relationships.
This training will be about the day-to-day ways in which congregations, ministries, and pastoral leadership interact with one another throughout the life of a call: beginning, middle, and end. After almost 30 years of ordained ministry, I do have some ideas, but I also know that the nature of congregational life is always in flux. If you have thoughts, here is what I would like to know, whether from a called and ordained perspective or from a Ruling Elder’s, what boundaries are crucial to name and affirm in order to maintain a culture and environment where all spiritual leaders can maintain healthy work/life harmony, thrive in their roles, and avoid burn-out, resentment, and hurt?
And I don't just want to know the rules that you follow or you think others should. I also want to know the intentions of the boundary, the contextual variables that impact them, and how we can live them out in our collective day-to-day lives; holding one another and ourselves accountable to maintain the boundaries we have agreed to hold.
Below is what the day would look like as we will address 10-12 of the most important boundaries and behaviors. Please keep in mind that this training will not include sexual misconduct or child abuse. Those will be addressed in another training.
So what do you got?
What are the boundaries that we most need to revisit and reflect upon for the spiritual leaders of the church? Feel free to leave your ideas in the comments here or email me directly.
This training will have both participants and leaders guides and, with permission from the orginating governing body, will be available for others to use.
Tentative Outline for the Day
Scripture, Prayer, Introductions, and Hopes for the Day
Definitions and Understandings of Teaching/Ruling Elder Boundaries
The Boundaries We Intend to Hold (Done in large or small groups depending on the number of people.)
Boundary & Behavior (What is the boundary practice?):
Intentions & Reasoning (Why is this an important practice?)
Variables & Contexts (What contextual realities should be considered)
Adjustments & Flexibilities (How does this play out in your context?)
Accountability & Understandings (How will these boundaries be introduced, followed, and assessed?)
EXAMPLE:
Boundary & Behavior: We will not use email for urgent communication and will allow 48 hours for response before resending.
Intentions & Reasoning: Clear expectations for communication honors different communication patterns, accessibility, and availability.
Variables & Contexts: Not everyone uses email, has reliable internet access, or is available throughout the day.
Adjustments & Flexibilities: Choose agreed upon platforms for various kinds of communication: texting, FB messenger, email, etc.
Accountability & Understandings: We will remind ourselves of agreed upon practices and will revisit every six months.
Takeaways and Things We Didn't Get To
Closing Prayers/Ritual
Adjourn
Boundary & Behavior: We will respect and allow the pastor/leadership to rest and reenergize by giving them time away where they can disconnect completely.
Intentions & Reasoning: Healthy, well-rounded pastors and sermons come from life experiences. If we are constantly tied to our ministries, we cannot rest, clear our heads and take in God around us—however God may choose to show up.
Variables & Contexts: Deaths inevitably happen while pastors are away. Involving a representative from the presbytery to be a point of contact for pastoral needs while the pastor is away gives the pastor the ability to be contacted/involved as needed but still have the needed break.
Adjustments & Flexibilities: Have the pastor appoint a trusted point-person before leaving, or establish a care committee for the pastor’s well-being. This committee would advocate on behalf of the pastor for needed rest, are a first line of defense against potential grumblings about the pastor being out, and can help facilitate normal happenings while the pastor is out. Some might call these people “elders.” :)
Accountability & Understandings: We will remind ourselves of agreed upon practices and will revisit annually to make sure the pastor is able to rest without constraint or worry about the church’s ability to function while they are out.
I like the outline, but... as one who's on that dreaded committee that disciplines boundary-breakers, I hope there will be time to offer real-time examples of how we get into messes, and the inevitability of destroying lives when that happens. Yes, a lot of the time "stuff" happens becase we've not taken good enough care of ourselves, and the wellness aspects of your training are important, but so is explaining the consequences in ways people can get. Because the very best among us can be totally clueless when temptation shows up.